Friday, December 03, 2004

One Orange for a Lot of Lemons

Those fuckers. I sat down and lunched with them, trusting the fate of the Pinoy rock (awards) scene was safe in their hands. And what did they do? They let Orange & Lemons take home the Best New Artist Award. Over Cambio (who, I can now freely admit, I voted for). Over even The Mongols and Bamboo. Orange and fucking Lemons. Honestly. Those fuckers.

You know what we should do, Luis? We should go form a vigilante group to track down and kill all those judges who voted for O&L, who, as I am sure our gentle readers will agree, deserve to die horrible deaths for the crime of having no taste. I mean, really. Orange & Lemons. Best new artists. ARRRRRGH.

Judgment Bunny's Choice for Best New Artists

Of course, one of those people who might have to die for liking O&L is Margie's adoptive son, Diego Castillo, although I'd spare him just for being so goddamn funny. We had him and his twin, Quark Henares, comment on a list of 10 songs that had become hits over the past year, for an article to be published in this month's issue of MTV INK. Excerpts:

On Kitchie Nadal's "'Wag na 'Wag Mong Sabihin"
QUARK: The song is hook-y. It’s like, “We Are the Champions.”
DIEGO: It’s like an avalanche of hooks. You’re trying to get air, but no! Hooks! Hooks! Hooks! Air! No! Drowning in hooks!
QUARK: I think it’s quite beautiful. I think it was enhanced especially by the appearance of a certain Onemig Bondoc.
DIEGO: Its just, wow! We didn’t see it coming. It was a perfect mix of him and Kitchie.
QUARK: Yes. I felt the love.
DIEGO: And it was, like, his hair was moving!
QUARK: And he was holding his ass, which was just great.
DIEGO: And he had a little bit of his belt out, like he just watched Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Kudos to Mr. Romulo for making such a great video.
QUARK: And to Onemig Bondoc.
DIEGO: And his hair, for moving up and down.

On Rivermaya's "Balisong"
QUARK: “Your face lights up the sky on the highway…” Therefore it’s about someone whose face is on a billboard, ‘diba? Perhaps the daughter of Sharon Cuneta.
DIEGO: Perhaps.
QUARK: Who has the same first name as KC Montero…”But I know you only see me as a friend!”
DIEGO: Is it balisong as in the switchblade, or is it Bali, then song?
QUARK: Well, it’s spelled balisong. And he said it’s his pasalubong to someone.
DIEGO: The someone whose face lights up the Skyway. You know what, she’s everything he wanted and more. My golly.

On Sandara Park's "In or Out"
MARC: Why is she famous here anyway?
MTV INK: It’s a Lito Camo song.
DIEGO: I worked with Lito Camo. Because he was with BMG, during the early, early days of my musical career. Chaperoning him around to Cebu and Davao. Even back then, he was oozing with genius.
DIEGO: Can you be both in and out at the same time?
QUARK: If you are a hermaphrodite, like the two of us. This girl doesn’t even know how to speak English nor Tagalog.
DIEGO: And look at her now.

On Radioactive Sago Project's "Astro"
DIEGO: Tingin ko magandang pang self-motivational tape si Lourd, ‘no? Parang subliminal lang… “Bumili na kayo…bumili na kayo… Puntahan mo si Lito Camo…puntahan mo, puntahan mo… Out sya..di sya in, di sya in…puntahan mo…”

On Cambio's "DV"
QUARK: Ito’yung best Filipino album of the year, for me. Pero alam mo‘yung video? Sobrang perfect sa song.
DC: Kung si RA (Rivera) lang, di gumawa ng video this year, eh. Bwisit! Dammit!
QUARK: Feeling ko si Diego (Mapa) nga one of the three greatest musical geniuses in the Philippines. Si Ely yung isa. Ewan ko kung sino ‘yung third.

On Sandwich's "Two Trick Pony"
DIEGO: This song, fuck, it sucks.
QUARK: I think it’s the most horrible song. And what a video.
DIEGO: What’s up with the hoes? Who the fuck…?
QUARK: “I want to move on…but the groupies are coming for me. Help me.”
DIEGO: The riff is mine, I’ll take credit for the riff. And it sucks!

(Note to all readers of this blog: Did you find this article funny? Please buy the December issue of MTV INK, and then write to our publisher to let him know that you love the magazine just the way it is and hope that we will never, ever, ever change. That you think that changing the magazine will be a horrible mistake, on par with naming Orange & Lemons as the Best New Artists of the year. Thank you.)