How to Fire Your Band

You're right, this picture needs a better caption. Come on, people! All the bright minds who read this blog can certainly come up with something to go with this picture. Winner will get 10 Jon Bon Jovi Have a Nice Day promo stickers. (Fortunately, these stickers have neither Jon Bon Jovi's face nor his name on them, so you can stick 'em anywhere--yes, even where the sun don't shine!--with no shame).

And, in case you're wondering, this picture came from here, under unexplained circumstances.

Up Your Chimneys

From The Ambush Bug Stocking Stuffer #1 (1985)

"Santa, with my nose so bright, can I guide your sleigh tonight?" "SHADDUP! I'm sick of milk and cookies! I'm sick of the North Pole! So up your chimneys!" Click on the image to reveal... a bigger image. It's like a magic! (copyright The Ciudad Band)

And Happy Holidays to y'all. Ho ho ho!

I'm the goddamn Batman

Because even heroes can be dicks sometimes.

ROBIN: Who the hell are you anyway, giving out orders like this?
BATMAN: What are you, dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn Batman.

Ladies and gentlemen, an actual excerpt from All-Star Batman and Robin #2, by Frank Miller and Jim Lee, both men who have done much better work elsewhere. This classic exchange of dialogue is old news to comics fans, but I just felt like posting it now. Enjoy!

Fergie is Sally

Despite the brain-melting badness that is the Black Eyed Peas song My Humps, Fergie will always be aces in my book. The reason why is in an interview from the August 2005 issue of Blender:

BLENDER: WHAT'S THE COOLEST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE?

FERGIE: Being the voice of Sally for a Peanuts cartoon. I actually have a thing that Charles Schulz wrote me. He drew Snoopy and it says, "To our best Sally ever -- Schulz." That's cool! Schulz called me the best Sally ever.

It's not just that she was the voice of Sally Brown once upon a time, it's that despite becoming an international pop star with BEP, she still counts voicing Sally as "the coolest thing she's ever done."

That is why she is awesome.

Incidentally, one of the Peanuts specials Fergie did -- "It's Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown" -- is one of my all-time favorites, despite the fact that it's horribly, horribly dated now, as you can probably guess from the title (then again, the 80s are back...). Who could forget such timeless tunes as "The Pig-Pen Hoe-Down," "I'm In Shape" and "Lucy Says"? Listen to Lucy, listen to Lucy!

PS. The new installment of my column, "The King of Nothing to Do," should be in the i section of today's Manila Bulletin. It's a Christmas story for children! Well, sort of.

My Humps My Humps

From Slate:

"My Humps" is a moment that reminds us that categories such as "good" and "bad" still matter. Relativism be damned! There are bad songs that offend our sensibilities but can still be enjoyed, and then there are the songs that are just really bad -- transcendentally bad, objectively bad. As a piece of music, "My Humps" is a stunning assemblage of awful ideas.

Radioactive Dharma

Yay! It's the Warning Label Generator! As always, my capacity to discover new ways to distract myself knows no bounds.

Last Saturday night after the Siglo launch, Yvette and I found ourselves at 6underground, where we enjoyed sets by bands like The Happy Meals (who were apparently recently dropped by Viva, the label that was supposed to release their first album -- a real shame, they're a good band) and recent In The Raw winners Up Dharma Down. For those of you who have yet to hear UDD, there are some samples here. When I say 'samples,'I mean samples: the excellent "Maybe," for example, fades out all too soon.

Passion! Power! Piction!

It's December 10, Saturday, today, right? That means alla youse who are interested in comics and/or speculative fiction should go to the Greenhills Promenade branch of Fully Booked later at 6:30 PM, where they're launching three books: Siglo: Passion (from Nautilus Comics), Project: Hero (Quest Ventures), and Philippine Speculative Fiction, Vol. 1 (Kestrel).

I'm one of the writers of Siglo: Passion -- I wrote a script set in the future, involving artificial realities, real friendships, and a giant guinea pig, that was illustrated by the very skilled Jonas Diego. Other contributors include Gerry Alanguilan, Quark Henares, Dean Alfar, Reno Maniquis, Jeremy Arambulo, Lan Medina, Carlo Vergara, Marco Dimaano, Leinil Francis Yu, etc. According to Click the City:

Siglo: Passion is the sequel to the National Book Award-winning anthology Siglo: Freedom. This time around, the book explores the passions of the Filipino people, from food to family, from religion to nation, through twelve stories set across one hundred years of history and beyond. With a roster of award-winning writers and artists, Siglo: Passion promises to be an unforgettable experience, and yet another milestone in Philippine comic book history.

The launch price is Php 500, and it will apparently sell post-launch for Php 850. More on Siglo: Passion at the Nautilus Comics site and Dean's blog. Project: Hero (Php 120), as the name implies, is a comics anthology featuring new Pinoy superheroes, and Philippine Speculative Fiction (Php 300) is a collection of mind-expanding short stories by Cyan Abad-Jugo, Gabriela Lee, Ian Casocot, and Sarge Lacuesta, among others. See ya there!

PS. Happy birthday, Fran! :)

The NU Rock Awards, part 2

NU ROCK AWARDS 2005
The Official List Of Winners


BEST NEW ARTIST: Pedicab

VOCALIST OF THE YEAR: Bamboo Mañalac of Bamboo

GUITARIST OF THE YEAR: Cynthia Alexander

BASSIST OF THE YEAR: Niño Avenido of Greyhoundz

DRUMMER OF THE YEAR: Jeross Dolino of Sheila and the Insects

BEST LIVE ACT: Kamikazee

RISING SUN AWARD: Orange and Lemons

IN THE RAW AWARD: Up Dharma Down

SONG OF THE YEAR: "Ako si M-16" by Junior Kilat

BEST MALE AWARD: Yael Yuzon of Spongecola

BEST FEMALE AWARD: Aia De Leon Of Imago

ALBUM OF THE YEAR: Light, Peace, and Love by Bamboo

BAND/ARTIST OF THE YEAR: Orange and Lemons

BEST MUSIC VIDEO: "Akap" Of Imago (Directed by Marie Jamora)

BEST ALBUM PACKAGING: Claude Rodrigo for Strike Whilst the Iron is Hot of Orange and Lemons

PRODUCER OF THE YEAR: Cynthia Alexander and Angee Rozul for Cynthia Alexander*

[*Can somebody help clear this up, please? As far as I know, Angee Rozul and Cynthia Alexander who won Producer of the Year, but most online accounts like this one from ABS-CBN Interactive say that it was Noel de Brackinghe for his work with Greyhoundz. Help!]


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Surprise! Hale aren't Best New Artist of 2005, and do you know why? Because they're NOT! HOORAY!

I'm not even going to complain that O&L are Artist of the Year, because I will grudgingly admit that they've made quite an impact on the industry, having suddenly made acceptable bad haircuts and faux-English accents. Okay, I know when I've been defeated. You win this round, O&L, but the battle is far from over.

Now, to answer some fan mail:

Aki asked:
Juz wanna ask why are you so mad to Orange and Lemons?...


Dear Aki
I am so mad to Orange and Lemons, because they are suck. Okay, that's not right! Orange and Lemons are not suck, but they are, how do you say, annoying. With their haircuts and their accents which are not real. They are annoy to me.

I hope that clears things up...

Kristine

* * * * * *

Andrea asked:
I'm just curious and I hope you don't mind me asking this.

Who would you choose among the three, Hale, Cueshe, and O&L? I know you don't like them. But sino sa kanila yung mejo matitiis mo pa?

Hehe.


Dear Andrea,

Oh, good question! This reminds me of the old game we used to play in the Pulp offices. "Who would you..." (e.g.,"Who would you watch if you could only watch one, Smashing Pumpkins or Pixies?" "Who would you date, Jerome Abalos or Joey 'Pepe' Smith?" etc.)

Actually, even with all my nasty comments about O&L, they're the ones I could listen to. Cueshe are boring, and Hale just aren't great musicians. Which only proves that, hey, looks aren't everything to me. O&L are pretty homely, and I picked them. See? I'm deep.

Kristine

+ + + + + +
NOTE: I've updated the winners list several times, as no official list of the winners can be found anywhere online. My apologies for the initial mistakes, and I would appreciate it if anyone can point out any additional ones. Thanks!